Tapping in the Morning, Tapping in the Evening Tapping at Supper Time

Tapping in the morning
Tapping in the evening
Tapping at suppertime
Do a little Tapping
And be happy all the time.

The values keep arriving back to my sight as if they were newly flighted fledglings soaring in first awkward wind tests.

I understand a little better the poems of Hafiz.

These long long years of being in Scn....shunning all who weren't just like us.
Demeaning them with the term
"Wog"


US versus them...the wogs who were inferior the SP's who were the demons.

No ...I don't think so anymore.

Separation is not the answer. Integration...from the root of integrity....

That is an answer. Wholness...Holness...Holiness.

Sounds and roots of sounds flowing back to Oneness.

That is the gift of this morning.

Even oneness with the Inner Critic...cycling through it's eternal seeking to be right.

What joy. What silence in the Holness...holiness...wholeness.

The great wine of Hafiz...the joy....the ecstasy,

Gratia...Beloved Divine.....Gratia

Ex Mea Manua In Tua Manua, Dea Eterna

YIKES YIKES YIKES!!!!!

Last night after much trial and drama internally I noticed a shift in perception.
The house became visually clearer. And along with that came a perception of the plastic nature of reality.

It gets molded by thought.

Well...duh ,you say...ever hear if the Law of Attraction, dummy?

Oh yeah, but not on this level of perception. Not when your heart starts racing and your body starts turning freezing cold with the magnitude of it.

It is one thing to "know" in your head  that what you think and focus on is what you get. It is another thing to get that this includes being able to mold the physical universe itself and perceiving the fringes of that elasticity in one's soul. At least it is for me.

Well Guruji said it could be done. He isn't into it the way I am thinking but that is what he is doing with all these plants and animals and cancer cells whether he thinks of it this way. or not.

This is scary. I have to take this one head on and it is scary.

Every thought is an imprint. Every intention,conscious or not, bears fruit.

This is scary.There is not a whit left in this elastically molded universe for excuses.

It is all the focus of the thoughts one thinks.

I can understand why Guruji speaks of getting rid of the mind chatter.

YIKES YIKES YIKES.

Never mind the Inner Critic...screw that...that is minuscule by comparison. Totally microscopic.

How about the inner STATIC? Thougths about others, the world the present and the past...and OMG the future?

YIKES YIKES YIKES!!!!

This is scary.

But also ...really ok.

Fact is, it is great.  Scary..but great. I guess sometimes great things can do that do you when they hit you over the head inescapably.

Gratia Dea. Gratia.

Ex Mea Manua In Tua Manua Dea Eterna

Schuman Resonances in the Night

Yesterday was not a day for tapping but for action in the real world. I finally sent back the energy Christine has been dumping on me but worked on it long and hard before I sent it. I then consoled myself for the loss of my current work situation with a trip to TJ's for half and half and truffles.

Reading in the night with a cup of home made Mayan Mocha something strange happened. There was a note ...a musical sustained sound in my ears that stopped me from reading. It then morphed into the vibratory tones of the Shumann resonance...the heartbeat of the Earth so called.

I so want to stay in the flow with Her. This is so priceless and unbelievable that this is happening.

Ah HA. The frantic phone calls in the early am.....well well. I have no idea how this plays out...but I do know one thing.

Ex Mea Manua In Tua Manua.

Little disasters get tapped away and the bigger ones show through.

Car went dead today. Had the guy jump it and it sorta held. Got it down the hill and parked it. It turned over again but do I feel like driving it?

mmmmmmm....nope.

This whole scene gave me a glance at some old energy that got kicked in from battling Christine.
Yuck. Old Jerry The Creep and His FUBAR Church of Scientlology energy.
Almost gave in to it then tapped it.The old wounds opening up to drain out some more soul gangrene.

More Trivedi energy crises it would seem. The old gnarled up crappy stuff right down to the despair to the point of suicidal energy.

Funny how that doesn't hurt so much to admit. Having guys like Dain and Gary Douglas and others broadcasting it ...been there too, say they, and no shame and no blame and no regret.

Goddess that is so sweetly honest. In a world full of liars they don't hold back the ugliest truth and some how that makes it OK. WOW. And then it isn't so ugly...it just is.

I never really voiced that out...the suicidal thoughts and despair. I've been keeping it all these years out of shame. Gave up on trying to talk about it: no one wants to hear it.

There was a ton of soul gangrene in that time and place.

So yeah. I have suicidal thoughts and tendencies,....you gotta problem with it? Go fuck off!

I look at this planet full of creeps and I sometimes I don't want to hang around. Why the fuck should anyone with an ounce of sanity or self respect want to live in this Totally Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition world full of liars and cheats and creeps? People who lie in every action they take and then say sorry and go on lying. People who think I'm Sorry takes care of it all and then that is all that has to be done.

Sometimes there is a need for amends.

And if you don't make those amends the world will hand them to you. That one I know for sure and for surer.

This whole thing with Jerry and the Jerkoffs from Scientology. It keeps coming back. Then it lightens each time I tap it but it is an ocean of tears and grief ever lasting. It comes back.

So today I tried tapping "I don't believe it" all points. Whoo boy did that help, because I don't believe it. I don't believe that decent people people who are basically good could behave like that. Just like I don't believe it about Christine or Rob or anyone else.

Even me. I don't believe that I could sink that far down. I don't believe it is happening again...but it is.

Looks like this is the tip of a bigger iceberg of tapping.

Ex Mea Manua In Tua Manua Dea Eterna

Tap Tap Tap Tap EFT Come rescue me

Well, here comes the rain again. The Curtain blows and covers the key....the shadows lengthen and Failure stands large against the light of life, an ominously grey black mountain of despair.

Tap tap tap tap ...EFT come rescue me.

Tap tap tap tap Failure get thee gone from me.

Tap tap tap tap....once again I see the  sun.

Tap tap tap tap... silly yes,but so much fun

Tap tap tap tap ... tap tap tap tap.

This is getting to be a bit of an early am habit. Tap Tap Tap Tap.

I have been tapping so much the tapping points hurt. 

 Standing back in the center of me without judgment that definitely does NOT hurt.

Sure beats the heck out of coffee...although that tastes good very good this am.

Christine is doing a good job for me of being the mirror that died with Rob.

Tap tap tap tap. EFT come rescue me.

Gratia Dea

Ex Mea Manua In Tua Manua Dea Eterna

Cal Edison is blacking out the power up here today. They are so kind. They even send a voicemail message to remind us we will be up here in 89 degrees without so much as a fan.

So here am I at 6:38 happily typing away. It is cool. There are crickets. There is a subtle hum from the 210 6 miles away. There is jasmine on the breeze coming into the window.

I noticed that the end result of all that tapping was a settling down. Less mind chatter as Guruji Trivedi would say.

But if I would be honest I still replay the "what if" of Rob's death.

What if I had bypassed Lisa and gotten a master blessing. What if the bitch had never been found? What if it had been me that had the decision to make.

Rob would be alive I like to think. Maybe I am just going on hoping but I still believe Guruji could have done something.

But that did not happen and the sadness lingers on.

People die. The memory doesn't.  And the truth of the lines" Of all the words of mice and men the saddest are "it might have been."

So  I give myself a little moment of "it might have been" today.

Today I guess I get to be human.

Ex Mea Manua
In Tua Manua, Dea Eterna

Just another Tapping Sunday

I knew that sometime this weekend I would end up doing a lot of EFT work. Felt like it was time.

I was right of course.

I remember back in the fall of last year when I first discovered EFT. It felt sometime like I was tapping my guts out.The pain, the grief the depth of it were exhausting.

But I always got through it.

Fast forward 9 months and more tapping....and the Trivedi effect. Things are tapping out but it is different somehow. It is shorter. It is more distinctly to me.

And it is still working.

Realizing that you tone yourself down because the world has made it a point to judge and shun those who feel and show deep feeling. How suppressive is that?

And for the first time in the midst of recognizing the depth of the ocean of my feeling a glimmer of non attachment.

It was important because I made it so. I felt that because I chose to.I can unmake and unchoose  too.

Gratia Dea.

Ex Mea Manua In Tua Manua