Today I woke up without crying....

Today was the first time in a long time I woke up without crying. Today was a day after a lot of rest and a lot of Dr. Dain. Today I woke up thinking I can change. I can do things. I am not losing my home. Today when I caught myself in a "Mind battle " in thinking I stopped and asked"who does this belong to?"

Today the sun outside is cutting crystal edges of sharpness in everything I see.
Today I get another chance. Today I get another adventure. Today today today.

The past is done.
The future does not exist.
                                        There really is only today.

                                                           Gratia Dea
                                 Ex Mea Manua In Tua Manua,Dea Eterna

LA Downtown, and Dr. Dain

Funny thing happened to me on the way back from downtown. I noticed a lot of heaviness mentally. Sure I had some real reasons but it felt like mental glue.

As I drove up out of the smog bowl the air and the view view got better and it felt like it was a little less gooey in the old mental field. When I got home and no one was there it was like being in the Alps on a spring day.

Started using "who does this belong to' when I was picking up on some really ugly thoughts in the ghetto parts outside the sky scraped zone. I mean ugly shit...rapper crapper hate shit.

Thank you Dea Eterna for Dr. Dain. I wasn't having a bad day in a bad smog zone...I was fielding other peoples stuff but this time I was batting it away gently and sweeping it out the door. Also realizing what was mine making me glue bait for goo a bit more. This last year of the Mayans I don;t think anyone is coming out unchanged and I have been fighting some of it.

The room mate came home and tried to glom in on my space when I was working: made herself a nuisance really by ignoring the fact that I told her I was in webinar. She can't think for herself poor kid, she is that scared I guess.
I also guess that that was the end of the decision making process on asking her to leave. She leaves a trail of grey gooey fear and I need that like I need the smog in LA even if I can feel sorry for her.

So..
What else is possible?
What do I need to do to change this?
How else can the money show up?
How can it get any better then this?

Ex Mea Manua In Tua Manua Dea Eterna

Trivedi, Tapping and Dain: Having a Wild Weekend

This weekend was for pulling weeds ...the kind in my head as well as in the yard. It was really wild.

I started off listening to a webcast replay of Jeneth talking to Mr. Trivedi. And although I have heard his script before it was very soothing to hear the sound of his voice. Very.

Then I went to a replay of Margaret Lynch. I heard the original and it didn't hit as hard as this time. She told us to write our money goals and then on a scale of one to ten rate ideas about them, such as "It's Impossible" "It will probably be really hard." "I can do this" and " I deserve it"

What ticked my truth-o-meter was that I ranked "I can do" this really low , the first two really high and "I deserve this" higher then " I can do this."  And the walls come a tumblin' down.

Victim of two thousand years or more I truly felt that my suffering entitles me to huge abundance. Well I wailed on that one. Tapped on it. Seventeen ways from Sunday. I was coughing a choking and crying until my insides were in a knot.

How's that for a hot item?

Gets better. The Universe HATES me because it never gives me what I DESERVE. God and Goddess alike are judged on the standard of MONEY.

Woo boy.

Half an hour and a whole handful of tissues later I felt so much better and went out and weed whacked in the yard.

That was Friday and Saturday Morning. On Saturday afternoon and then again Sunday, I went into Dain Heer mode. Finally got that 90 percent of the crap in my head wasn't me. Friggin' telepathy and owning other peoples junk. Especially about money but mostly about me and what a rotten person I am.
Also got the taste of Anastasia's energy and nailed it for what it is...the Stopper nmechanism of a truly frightened individual.

This morning I was in the yard and Lisa and Rob came into my head. I stayed in it for a few minutes then said" Who does this belong to" instead of battling and justifying myself to my imaginary Them.

It sure wasn't mine and that was that.

Came in and tapped some more and Pod and Poc'd some more  and that was it.
So....

Who am I today and what grand and glorious adventures will I have?
What else is possible?
AND MOST OF ALL

How does it get any better then this?

Ex Mea Manua In Tua Manua,. Dea Eterna

Dr.Dain say "It isn't YOURS!"

Whipped out an Access Consciousness tool this am, and last night as well. Dr.Dain Heer says in regards to energy "Light is Truth. Lies are heavy, so the questions to ask are in the order of "Who does this belong to?" If you feel lighter the energy is NOT YOURS!! You glommed it up by agreement. But it ain't  yours sucka!

There has been a lightening of the burden of money although it would not seem it from my bank account. There has also been a perception of a solid massive wall in front of me that does not move or change energy wise, so I whipped out the magic questions.

Guess who felt lighter? It ain't mine. It's there. It is the reality and energy of the times. But it ain't mine.

Did that question last night and again this morning. Gonna keep at it which is what the good Dr. recommends.

How does it get any better then this? What else is possible? Where else can the money come from? What about this can be changed that I am not getting yet?
Pod and Poc Pod and Poc Pod and Poc. A dozen Pod and Poc a day keep the blues far away. Definitely better then apples.

Ex Mea Manua In Tua Manua.

The Quiet of Predawn

There is something about the quiet of  predawn. I wonder how many others are up and listening to it. Are they hearing it...soft earth whispers and gently sounding birds? 

The birds are in warm up mode now...soon the hallelujah  bird chorus will greet the day in full throat.

Are there others listening? Other then me?

I like to think so. I like to think there are a few souls that are not drowning out the beginning of another gift day with showers and coffee makers. Just sitting for a bit and listening. The showers and coffee makers will have their turn...just not yet say the Predawn Listeners.  Not just yet.

It really is so very gentle...the predawn quiet. 

So few things are anymore.

Gratia Dea
Ex Mea Manua In Tua Manua

More Access and Tapping and Dain..OH MY!

Seems these days have a pattern to them. Am, I get up  feeling like crap....Tap. Wave the magic Dain wand. Be a bit foggy. Then realize something important,

A word from 365 reasons to write....let your animal totem write for you.
Boy did that ring loud. I cried out the gratitude of it.

Not sure what is next...Surprise me, Mother.

The pieces of the Dog picture fall more into place. Yoga and walking are coming back into the picture.

So has Steven King. And a new idea about The Memoirs. Tell the tale from the point of Little Wolf and see what that does.That was what happen this am.

Tomorrow I am putting back an old regimen. Up at 5:00 get the lawn going.
Tea and blogging....then Memoirs. Like last year at the beach, my before 9:00am is all mine....and the Divine's.

Surprise me, Mother.

Ex Mea Manua In Tua Manua

Access and tapping and Dain OH MY!

This am was a huge shift. I had been feeling really crappy in the heat and such. I did nothing much at all. Got up this am after a depressing 18 hours in bed and hit the Dain a thon from Jeneth...same one from March 13 of this year.

Only this time I tapped into some of the garbage that was coming up. Hey if one tool is good why wouldn't two be better.

It was.

Found out alot and don't care to share. Found out more me. Got 6 great tools written where I can easily find them. Got back in motion.

That is really what it is about.

"It is a sad fate for a man to die too well known to others and unknown to himself" Francis Bacon.

Gratia, Dea

Ex Mea Manua In Tua Manua Dea Eterna

Follow the Lighter Energy

I have had an interesting time of it. This energy stuff is beginning to make sense but  it is a very sensitive thing. I had such a determination to get my son's couch up here and to hell with everything else yesterday.

Let it all go and relaxed as it were. Results?

1: job appointment to a good green company waiting in my in box.
2: Son and I have a great talk.
3: Son offered to co-sign on my dog trainer loan without me so much as mentioning it.

Hmmm.

Dr. Dain says follow the light... as in lighter energy. I think this is what he means
Spent a few moments of gratitude on the couch this morning.
Still debating about the office space being let out to someone else.
Maybe if I lightly ask...I won't need to?

Ex Mea Manua In Tua Manua Dea Eterna

Early Morning Quiet and Calm after Dr. Dain Invasion

I just lost the whole of this post to an accident. Maybe it wasn't one. Finger hits the wrong key and zap...gone.

Well I'll be damned.

First time I've done that. So many firsts now that I think of it.

First time someone other then Rob has been in the house. The house and I rejoice for it. White Wolf Woman has a way of sending the echos of the dead flying.  The house is coming together in the way that two people on the same beam light things up.

Last September I fled to the beach shelter of my son's home and life to get away from this place and the DeathEater living here. Rob was so about dying and taking everyone with him as he went.

I can understand that angst. Fortunately for me, so does Dr. Dain, and even better then this so did a caller in to his interview with Jeneth. Talk about energy shifting!

So here is I being me. I don;t know about changing the world. I know it needs change but these days I'd prefer not to bother.

I have my own corner of the universe to hold up you see. And there is still brush on the mountain to clear.  Real brush...not head brush although there is still that too. There always will be.

Event the Buddha still works on himself.

Gratia Dea. There is peace today. How does it get any better then this?

Ex Mea Manua In Tua Manua, Dea Materna

Access and Tapping and TEARS!!! OH MY!

I had a feeling when I woke up today that I was going to have a rough one and I was more right then I knew. Griefy, blocked, feeling trapped. NO job no hope no joy.

Got on it with EFT and that helped but didn't budge the feeling of no possibility no change no friggin way this is happening...again! What am I doing wrong?Why is my life still totally shit?

Went into Jeneth's Dain-aThon and hit day three. Well more like it hit me with a ton of bricks and like Joshua at the battle of Jericho, the walls come a tumblin' down.

The question the good Dr. asked had to do with being made wrong for your hopes and dreams and what you asked for.

Well, well, well, well, well. How's that for the story of  myparticluar brand of hell life? Made wrong and laid in hard over physical pain.

And where did all the make wrong come from in the most part...oh yeah,..those guys...the Scientology creeps.

Years of it. Decades actually. And the walls come a tumblin' down.
The block I had on Chris Farrell's website...gone.
The block I had on receiving from Her...gone. Spent time lying in the circle for the first time in months..wanting to be there. Calling hummingbirds to me...watching Scree soar.
Peace.
I was never wrong to want what I wanted. Never. It was the right choice for me, just not for a group full of people with a ridgid moral code about self denial.

Well well well well. Another key from behind the curtain. They are coming faster and bigger these days. I must be on the right track.

Gratia Dea.
Ex Mea Manua, In Tua Manua

Catching up with me

It's been awhile, too long and too much going on.
Trivedi wellness retreat: 2.5days of madness and great beef. Fun and a master entrepreneur with a heavy handed energy blast to go along with it. Came away a little blissed and very happy that I got the difference between happy and excitement. Been kicking myself for being "unhappy" when there was no excitement. Blue Blazing Hades take the excitement...I'll take the happy and the Trivedi Beef.

Finally put quit to Rob in the house. Yard sold some of his things, got a room mate. may have another. The listing for the small room is up.

Got a blast from realizing how much false hope I had let the poor guy have. Took a lot of facing that much self villainy but in the end the whole thing blew over and left me with compassion for both of us.

Bush whacking the hill against fires on the Fourth put me into exhaustion. Then there has been the Dain-a-Thon and Debra Poneman's new you master from India whose name is hell to spell and worse then that to remember. But I do remember his kindness and his views on judging. Like a floating moment in a cold mountain lake this one is.

So there ...now I am caught up. Who am I today and what gran and glorious adventures am I going to have?

What else is possible? How does it get any better then this?

Ex Mea Manua In Tua Manua, Dea Eterna.