Is it Easter Yet?

I'm not sure but I think this might be Easter Sunday. There are a few Internet articles to that effect anyway.

On my birthday my family and I engaged in some seriously traditional pagan festivities...feasting and fertility token hunting.

OK OK so I got my grand daughter a basket and hid more chocolate then is good for her in the house for her to find. Shoot me for claiming the Old Religion on the Saturday after Good Friday and before Easter.

So I have answered my own question. Yes it is Easter. What ever that means.

For me it meant cleaning out the mess Rob made out of Al's garage and risking a dose of Hanta Virus from all the rat shit layering the floor in there while I was at it. But the alternative is expecting his sister to do anything more then run away from the problem...just like she ran away from taking his urn home.
There it sits ...a little black energy hole. Pretty sad.

Like her brother, Lisa tends to throw money out to get what she wants. She barged into this house and went on a spending spree to get all the creature comforts her brother had not one bit of use for and quite frankly I didn't miss. Learning to do without gave me a very different view of American materialistic greed for possessions. I mean what is your enough level is not a bad question to ask people to see where they are at.

I have the yard and the mountains you see. What do I care if the frig is small? The trail of filth Rob left behind was controllable so it didn't effect me. If he wanted to sleep in rat crap or his own crap that was his choice.

Pretty sad to want to die that badly. I remember telling my oldest friend in life when I first moved in that the place looked like he was asking it to kill him.

So now...am I doing the same and bitching about it all the way down into darkness?I sure hope not. Though if I keep up all this physical work I may just. Goddess, what a mess that man made out this poor property. It isn't such a bad little place. The good news is he can't stop me from taking care of it the way I see fit.Not anymore.

I do know I don't want to live out my days here and this is just a short stop on a longer journey. First rebuild then remove to higher ground. Like Ecuador or New Zealand, some place with mountains and an ocean close to hand. Some place where it's green and the cost of living is reasonable.

A small condo with a view far enough inland to be out of the reach of global warning, yes...that is just enough.

Now there is also the Trivedi effect that goes in and out as far as energy is concerned. Had a great time of it this am. More gentle whispers and good thoughts of life. Then I went and blew it by being so pissed about the stupid damn garage and the rest of the mess in the house.

Oh well. I don't do well when surrounded by toxic filth it would seem. I doubt anyone would be joyful and buoyant facing the hell in that garage. And here I thought his rooms were bad. Actually they were as he didn't sleep in the garage.

But the work is as done as it is getting for now and that feels great. The trash is piled into the containers for Athens to pick up on Tuesday. I have a frig full of what I like to eat, I have my office and rooms well organized
and the spackling is done in that back room. Next weekend it will be more painting and maybe a box of glasses for the kitchen. After I get my first WLL check.

I think I need to go listen to some Schumann resonances. Get my head on straight..or at least a little straighter.See if I can find the connection I had this morning before the advent of the Rat Shit from Hell in Hades Garage.

I'll take a little if I can't get a lot at this point. Yes indeed.Besides there is a lot to be happy and grateful for...some of which is in the picture on this blog.

Ex Mea Manua In Tua Manua Dea Eterna.

Happy Moonlight and Birthday to Me

OK. So I missed a day. I shall have to go commit honorable Sepuku.Full moon on one side of midnight, birthday on the other.

I cleaned the house with the four Elements last night in the hours after true fullness. Good thinking, says I to me. Full moonlight just turning toward the dark. Perfect!
My late friend has been hanging around you see. Still ill wishing. Still not getting it. Slow learner for a guy with a 155 IQ. Good grief.
But then I could say that about me, now couldn't I?

Not Today.
Today I am gifted with great peace. Today I get to be thanks-filled. Today today today.

Today in the mirror I got to see others being who I am.
Today,in the mirror I saw the usury of others, in my hands reaching to take.
Today in the mirror I saw the harsh opinionated judgmental view of others sounding on my lips.
I once was blind but now I see.

Today,in the mirror, I see Her Face. Beloved Divine, showing me all these amazing things.
Today I hear the perfection of Her Voice.How wonderful is today...today ...today.

How can it get any better then this?

Now...what else is possible?





Ex Mea Manua In Tua Manua Dea Eterna.

The Day that Aflac Paid was Wrong

For the last 7 years I have had something happen so regularly that it is like the sun rising and then setting.

That is the day that I get my monthly check from Aflac.

It is always on the first Friday after the month closes. The month closes out on a Friday and then the next week we get paid.

I got paid on Thursday. I got paid today and that is impossible.I burst into tears. I couldn't stop crying. I went hysterical.

Why?

Simply this: I had been asking the Dr.Dain question "How else can the money show up? There is simply no way that Aflac ever pays other then Friday 1st after close.

I asked and Aflac paid on Thursday. And I lost it.

Because there it was, the Universe answering and doing it in a completely impossible way.

Totally impossible. Aflac never pays on Thursday. It's impossible.

All I could do was cry and ask why? Why all the suffering? Why all the hell to pay? You are the Unlimited Divine. What have I done that I am always being hurt and miserable and poor? Why do you hate me?YOU COULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY AND YOU LET ME GO ON THROUGH ALL THIS HELL???!!!!

Eventually I cried myself out. There was no answer there was just quiet and now. All the garbage of the years past stopped impacting.

Then the thought, I am unforgiven as I never forgive and the one I forgive never is me.

The world does not have to hate me and punish me. That I do very well on my own thank you very much.

And where is the reason to go on doing that now?

I don't know.

Something has gone.

I have no interest in looking for it. It is gone and now is now.

The landlord is not increasing his rent.I know where I stand at last.

I can live here.

I can sublet and charge what I want.

I have my new position.

I have money and can begin again.

l don't need to go back to the Shadow on the Porch of the Unforgiven.

The moon is up and it is beautiful. Tomorrow it will be full and the next day is my birthday.

How does it get any better then this? What else is possible?

How else can the money show up?

Ex mea Manua In Tua Manua Dea Eterna.

From a Past Window with Bars

The continuing saga of the Trivedi Effect took a turn for the worst this am. I woke up with the Sea Org on my mind. Of course having flirted with my Scientologist car mechanic yesterday didn't help keep the old wounds and memories at bay.

But it was worth the return to the prison in the memory to cut out a few more bars.

Still the question remains...do I really want to be friends with any of the people involved with that group?

No. For their sake as well as my own. They will be harassed for knowing me and that is sad. But it is their realty.

Here in the dawn's first light a bit more of truth. I have such a button on discrimination and on people being excluded from having had both those things rammed down my throat by the people in that group.

I had a button on it before. They just made a super fuel explosion of it.

So where there is anger there is also something for you, says Dr. Dain.

So what is there in this for me? asks I.

Time and distance to look again are not a bad thing at all.Mr.Trivedi's list of emotional traumas ain't too shabby a thing to have on hand either.

The Story of MY Life if you want to call it that has been touched with betrayal and betraying. Where these things are, the Inner guidance system has been bleeping and bleeping, but I ignored the warnings. I went into a situation with misgivings or with a harmful intention.

Well, there you have it. Seems so simple just been ruining my life with it.

No biggie, right?

I get Guruji's focus. Hear the Inner GPS or suffer.

Now if I can just find a few more Q-tips to clean out my ears. Use a key from the curtain?

Ouch.

Ex Mea Manua In Tua Manua, Dea Eterna.

The Unforgiven

I admit 3:55 am is a bit of an odd hour out for most folks. But then I am a bit of an odd person out.

I had an amazing early morning yesterday. After the sadness of the last blog's entry I went on to a morning full of promise and fullfillment.

Then I did my taxes.

The reality of what I had done to myself financially bit down on my weak little legs of joy like a rabid dog intent on pure revenge.

Still I went on to accomplish all I had set myself to do and prepare to face a rather grim day of reckoning.

All I had done to myself in being there both for my late friend and his sister was shoot myself financially in the worst way.

Story of my life I felt. Always trying to help be decent and ending up on the short end of things. Rather bitter and self pitying some would say.

Tough.

It's the truth of how I felt by the end of the day. And this is a conversation with me.

Sleep came easy. Thanks Mr. Trivedi. One of the most noted effects of those energy healing transmissions is a decent night's sleep.

How precious that is, in fact.

Then this morning at 3:00 0r so I was awake with the oddest image in my mind...Clint Eastwood's "The Unforgiven"

Not all of it. Just the ending where this formerly "redeemed" whining, self abusive man, kowtowing to his dead wife's virtue in the face of his own "sins" was on a killing rampage.

But for whom did he go back to committing deadly sin?

His dead friend tortured to death by the villain and propped up as a public warning to the world of bounty hunters. For a woman slashed in her face and soul. A whore and herself part of the Unforgiven.

Fascinating image of his voice coming from the pitch dark after having served what was a very interesting Justice, warning all that he would return if his friend wasn't buried decently or any whores were further harmed.

He had redeemed himself through sin, not from it.

No one is forgiven who is not whole and good with their own past actions. With their true selves warts and all.

He was a gunslinger. In a world where violence ruled, why not?Only those spreading a false doctrine had issue with it and they, like the man's dead wife, were rotting, full of worms. False. A lie.

Fascinating to wake up to this on the night after a Trivedi blessing.

There has been a great wind roaring across my soul from this. It has been blowing the curtain back and forth across the keys.

Ex Mea Manua, In Tua Manua, Justica Dea.

I suppose Sam would snicker

Today I feel like I usually do after a Trivedi transmission. Like I was run over by a 747. But hey, I signed up for it.

My writing"coach" of sorts, Sam Bennett would probably snicker to see me wrapped up in my Snugly slurping fresh squeezed grapefruit and lemon juice typing away. Can't see to write what the "IDEA" was anymore. Didn't even finish Kiki's coloring book.

Yet.

I like that word. Has a taste of future spiritual ice cream sundaes.

Trivedi was on it about sin last night though he never used the words. He talked about emotional trauma and how it comes to us and damages our lives.

Bad Parenting.

False Hope.

Being misguided or mislead

Cheated by others

Betrayal

Conspiracy.

Rather intense list. Little "Beats myself up at the drop of a dime" here went right into grief about all of the above as something I have done. My list of sins as it were.

The sadness of that still rings it's death toll on joy today.

In the end as we were praying,all I could ask for was forgiveness. Because I know I am undeserving. How can I be anything but? Didn't you read the last blog.? Thought I had made it past all the blame shame and regret.

Nope. The words "Grief Everlasting" come to mind. Seems I am writing that story after all.

I have been crying inwardly all my life. I was born into the world and in a very short time I knew what betrayal was. I have been crying ever since.

So I learned it all at an early age. But who am I to blame the mother that almost killed me? Isn't she someone struggling with her own pain too?

And I could have chosen differently. I chose. I chose to do all those things

I hurt the crap out of others and thus myself.

So where does the forgiveness start? Does it ever? How does one do that and let it go? Be interesting to learn that after all these years.

Last night the winds tore out across the face of Altadena and our main thorough fare is blocked.

Last night the winds of Trivedi tore across my soul and the joy that was for a moment mine, is blocked. I still haven't found the key it would seem.

Yet.

To Ward or Not to Ward, This is the Question

Given that I am an unabashed practitioner of the old Religion, (and for those of you that have a problem with that, I do have solution...it's two words long and they ain' t Happy Birthday) the question of ethics and the use of power is not much of a question. It is summed up very nicely in the following:

"Curses come home to roost."

But what about defense? Given that life is a learning and that in paganism, as I practice it, there is no good or evil, only good and better, what then? If you are perceiving, as I have, that someone is going out of their way to ill wish you, do you defend yourself?

Well, I don't know about anyone else out there in the Moonlight but I did.

Now two years later, I am looking at the end results. Pretty big. All of the people that had been ill wishing me have had a serious change in fortune and not for the better. All but one has gone on to a somewhat better situation having learned and moved on.

But then so have I.

Yesterday the door was blocked to the future. Letting the keys come out from under the curtain and just listening for the whispers from the Inner Realm brought some very fine things to light. Including what my Learning was.

You see, I had never done Warding before as a Solitaire. Never invoked the Power to protect myself in the Dark of the Moon. It worked but it wasn't clean.

There was someone very specific that I was thinking of and it came down on this person very, very hard. When I saw that and tried to undo it the Whisper was very loud and clear.

"What has been done cannot be undone...not by you."

Well, heck then, say I, served him right. He was,after all, intending that my life be total failure to gain control of it via money. Abusive to say the least, in so many ways beyond financial. Pretty nice justification,huh?

But then why am I conflicted about it? Why do I feel responsible for the outcome?

Because it wasn't clean. This person was firmly in mind at the Dark of the Moon when I set this Warding in motion.I even made note of it in my diary that this person was never going to get that all the stuff that they were sending out was coming back on them, threefold. It was a curse of my own and it came home to roost.

But then did it?

Yesterday I would have said so. Not today.

Ex Mea Manua In Tua Manua, Dea Eterna is not a bad place to be in.

Just yesterday the keys were under the curtain. Now there are so many being found. Including the biggest one:

No Fate Is Shared.

It is not mine or anyone else's to be responsible for the Fate of another, only my own. No fate is shared. That is in the hands of the Creator, when you live...when you die wh.at your learning is. You determined that before you were born

No Fate is shared. A Life may be shared with another but your Fate is your own.

So, Ward. yes, but never with anyone in mind. Don't stand there being a victim of someone else's madness. Know also that the Lesson will be there if you do, or you don't get protection from Her.

Know that drawing a line in the earth against deliberate and malicious harm is an act of love but know also, that you must make it so when you act. And if you can't act out of love, better not to act at all.

Ex Mea Manua, In Tua Manua.