The Goal is Just to Get on Base

Odd bit of time to be writing, 1:30 am, but yesterday was odd. It was a time out for exhaustion and time out for numbness all day. The only thing that made any sense was staying in the conversation with Eric Lofholm and I almost missed it. I got there just in time for the goodies, though.

He was talking about his business as a daily attempt to get on base. He and his son play baseball together and his metaphors were straight out of MLB and so sweetly honest.

Here is this guy with clients around the world dialing in every week to hear him,talking about not trying everyday to get a home run and even admitting to how often he strikes out. His goal every day was just to get on base.

And as is the case with Eric when he is making a point he repeated this more then once.

Get on base every day is the goal. Don't try for the grand slam. Just do something everyday and be consistent.

He was also reviewing the first half of the year with us. In looking at this it seems I just got out of bed suffering with  a long illness, attended with miserable soul sucking nightmares and am struggling to find the strength to make it to the bathroom so I can barf.

The draining drama of watching Rob slide into death, living on no sleep for two months practically because of the nightly horrors of his illness, the energy vampire that was his sister, the loss of the best job hope I had had in years, Mom slipping down into a protracted fade out of life, and turning around to find my friends getting run down by the 2012 bus right along side of me came glopping through.

Yeah, yesterday was a long overdue time out.

I wasn't wandering around in mental muck very much though and I could tell when something hit me if it was my energy or not. Still some residual Ill Wishing out of LRH Way but it slid and got called out before it got to home plate.

It would seem I am also taking my own advice not to kick myself after finding a dent mark on my fanny from someone else's foot. It occurs to me to ask"Why should I beat myself up for their behaviour? I didn't make them that way. I only brought them into view so I could read my own slate better. Get another Key from under the Curtain. "Ouch and Thanks anyway, Assholes" is about all there is to it really.

So...who am I today and what grand and glorious adventures am I going to have?

Ex Mea Manua In Tua Manua Dea Eterna

Sitting On Hold With The IRS

It is very interesting sitting on hold with the IRS. It is not a pleasant task by any stretch. Facing all the money that you owe and can't pay. A bit demeaning and definitely saddening.

But non the less something to confront. What is interesting is that the first person I spoke to was utterly professional and sincerely kind.

Sad isn't it? That some of the kindest voices I hear are from the IRS.

There is something very wrong with this picture.

I remember breaking into complete tears when I got invited to Santa Anita by my client BH. It was such a random act of kindness that I burst into tears. It still makes me want to cry.

Where has the kindness gone in the world? Was there ever any? I no longer can tell. I remember kind neighbors. I have indeed met some kind people.

But in close...with relationships...even friends...definitely in the world of business ...where has all the kindness gone? Was there ever any?

There was a random act of kindness from Sandy and a lead into an account.
There was a trip to Santa Anita and the gift of God's sweet horse children.

There are so many things. But still ..it is rather lonely. I find myself talking to complete strangers in a very warm way. Very Honest. Very Unreserved.

Trivedi Effect? Not sure.

The whispers from the inner Voice keep coming. The lack of peace the anger the angst is setttling out.

But the Loneliness still lingers.

Horses don't do well without a herd. Wolves need a pack.

Me,too.

Dealing with the Death Wishers

I had a very interesting stream of thought this morning.

Admittedly I was in a somewhat less joyous frame of mind from having drinks with friends in person and while on the phone. My best friend in NYC was going through some real pain sadly as a result of being a better neighbor to a neighbor of 41 yeara then he and his now "next of kin" were to her.

So, last night was a bit of a tippler, what with Jose and Pomegranate Lime Juice over ice  and Italian Lambrusco over conversation with  old friends next door.

We were all on a rather sorry theme yesterday and today I got to really look at it,

How does one deal with the Death Wishers we come across in life? The people with an agenda that includes hurting you for what ever"reason" they may have?

They are out there. The people who can't win unless someone else loses. The ill wishers. The downright hate filled, the vindictive, vengeful and two faced, the phoney, the backstabbers.

I don't have the foggiest. Really. I have been slammed around by enough of these characters to have figured something out, I would say, if I were judging myself.

I do that from time to time. It doesn't help. Kicking yourself after finding a dent in your fanny from someone else's boot just doubles the bruises.

But in the Law of Attraction I am responsible for having attracted these people.

 True though that is, I did not create them and their lives. They did. Saying otherwise is to assume a control point that is not real and in fact is a bit arrogant.

 Since when did I wake up as God, the Almighty,Maker of Heaven and Earth?

These people came into the world as infants with a fresh life slate to write on as did I. They wrote on their slate.

Me too. That is the way of it.

It really is a question of what you are going to write next, after reading their story. That is as much as I can make of it.

Do you write the angst and bitterness? That is a choice and I have made that one. It would be fraud to say otherwise.

Do you go on writing in that vein? Or do you clean the pen and start again?

Your choice. That really is what you have in dealing with the Death Wishers.
The impossibly infinite Freedom to Choose.

Ex Mea Manua In Tua Manua Dea Eterna.

EFT on Ugly Olden Days

Tapping in the dawn's early light put a lot of pent up old energy in full view. This is the first time I have deliberately tapped out an old ugly part of my life.

Not exactly living in the now but who gives an aerial fornication? It's my energy dammit.

So the old wounds from being not only a battered woman but having my entire life's tribe turn against me are jumping up to view. They got tapped out like every other pile of blocking gnarly crap. Big blocks on money my self employment and oddly enough men. Well, surprise, surprise.

I don't listen to men and I don't receive from them. I really think few women my age do. But I know I don't. And that added to the stress until life exploded and now I see it. I din't hear Bruce. At times I didn't even see him. Poor guy. I hope he is doing a better job of it in his next life in terms of women.

We daughters of Rosie the Riveter were taught in the world of baby boomer men just how much we had to fight. Not a lot of news, that.  It was part of the scarcity mentality of the Depression and the fear of WWII and the Cold War. We got the first two from our parents and the latter for ourselves when we were still young enough to be vulnerable.

I can still feel the tension in our house  and everywhere else that came from the days when Kennedy and Kruschev were going toe to toe over Cuba.The world was a terrifying place where at the drop of a bomb all life would cease. And there was not one thing a little kid could do about it.

Is it any wonder we rebelled and tore the  Establishment apart? Dropped acid and dropped out in apathy?

Those who rebelled knew... We were fighting for our lives and oh how we knew it.

Then on beyond Vietman and  into the world of the workplace and men grabbing tits and coping pussy feels on the job. Firing you if you didn't put out for the boss. It was all so accepted, just like the pay check that wasn't worth crap compared to a man's in the same position. So we fought again with some success.
But  so it still goes as far as the pay check is concerned and maybe still some of the rest of it where women come from a background that doesn't hold their rights to be of any value when some guy has a testosterone wave pounding him. I don't know about that, as I work alone.

There is predation on both sides now that I know. It seems so strange yet totally real that prowling on the job exists but it is what it is. It is a bit more cautious. The lawsuits put caution in place for both genders, at least...well, mostly.

Fighting fighting fighting. Never listen except to hear the pause where one can jump in with one's next argument. Negating the other person in totality ad infintum ad nauseam just for the sake of "I'm right".

But never really listening. And it is still all fear and scarcity based. He'll get the promotion...she'll get my job...I am not a man if I don't make more then her...I am not a liberated woman if I let a man take care of me...

I am Iam Ia I I I ...

I'm done with it.

Gratia Dea Eterna, for a golden glorious morning.

Who am I today and what wild and wonderful adventures will I have?
How does it get any better then this?
What else is possible?
How else can the money show up?
What about me in all of this is right that I am missing?

And best of all...
Who out there can I find to help today, along with me?

Ex Mea Manua In Tua Manua Dea Eterna.

Philosophy Only Gets You So Far

Haven't written lately. Much too much on the plate. Trying to take care of Sam's place and mine. Bit of a stretch. But yesterday was off pace so to speak and now it's time. I springboard my writing off the oddities, it would seem

I have a Yahoo email address that is currently being inundated by the tribe of YAHOO People. The up-beat-you-can-change-anything-by-shifting-your-viewpoint- Law-of-Attraction-crowd. How to mindset your way to being skinny, healthy, madly in love and above all a millionaire.

I regularly get to delete anywhere between 15 to 75 emails a day from this set of folks. They all like to share the wealth. I am currently getting emails from two different groups on the same interview with one person. I wonder if Eric Lofholm taught them this sharing data bases, as it is his Person Of Influence strategy. Could be since he runs in their circle. Lisa Nichols, John Assaraf and all that.

Not that I mind. I am always looking to hear the inner "clang" of the resonating bell that says "Get on this, you need this."

Just not yesterday, Maybe not today. The jury is still out on today. It is after all before dawn.

My friend Donna said an interesting thing on Friday. She said, "Philosophy only gets you so far."

That stuck.

Philosophy only gets you so far.

I felt a bit crappy yesterday and thought I was going to have to go rummaging into the world of EFT to get rid of the resistance. OR do a bit of praying to try to reconnect to the Universal Intelligence Guruji Trivedi talks of.

I cleaned Sam's house and yard instead.

I worked on my website. I played with the dogs. I walked and did yoga. I cleaned out the turtle tub.

Eric Lofholm talks about improving the Inner Game to get better sales results.
Jim Rohn said you should work on yourself as much as your business.
Lisa Nichols is famous for "Some of God's greatest gifts come wrapped in sandpaper".
Trivedi hooks you up to the God of your understanding and says that until you have this connection you will not achieve lasting happiness in life.
Nick and Jessica Ortner and Margaret Lynch would have you tap tap taping away and that is truly good stuff.
Harrison Klein advocates "I am" strongly and well.

Sometimes though, it is just time to yank weeds. The ones in the yard. Not the ones in your head.

Philosophy truly only gets you so far. Then it is time to go back into the world and try to shine a bit on yourself and others. There is a  reason for the yoga of work.
The jury is in on today

Time to water the yard.

Ex Mea Manua In Tua Manua Dea Eterna.

What am I For?

The area of questions brings up a good one, with interesting non harmful definite answers.

What am I for?
Not is the sense of what use am I but what is it that I support?

It is a question worth taking time to answer this morning. Before the start of the new batch of open questions, it would be well to close this one up.

I am so used to the "against" side of the picture....how about the "for"?

So here it goes with as much honesty as can be found at 5:56 am before coffee.

I am for simplicity. "Tis a gift to be simple" somehow has always resonated since I first heard it and it still does.

I am for the fresh smell of clean windswept air in the early morning light.
I am for water that is so crystal pure it takes your breath away to be near it.

I am for wild things staying in the wild and being left to be
I am for the soft sound of birds in the morning letting me know it is time to start again.
I am for the world of natural things in bounteous diversity.

I am for peace quiet and a beautiful natural place to walk and enjoy both, as I am for that fact that no human can live shut off from these things and not suffer.


I am for small comfortable homes without a lot of possessions cluttering them up. I know what is my enough level.

I am for a job that is done in a quality manner and is given the respect and compensation that it is due. I am for the replacing of greed based materialism with a value system that is a balance and fair distribution of resources between all peoples and the serves to protect the living natural world.

I am for collaboration and decency and fair practices in business

I am for the equality of folks and the respect of and freedom for women.

I am for the safety and happiness of children

I am for government that governs best by governing least. Thanks T.Jeff.

I am for Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. Second thanks T. Jeff.

I am for the right of choice in all matters spiritual and totally for the idea that a path that is right for me is right for me. I am for the fact that someone else should have the right of their own path no matter how different.

I am for the duty of responsible action, in choosing to do what I want and how I live. I understand more each day that I do choose and it effects others so there is a duty owned myself and  to them to choose the best course that can be taken for the good of all.

I am for being in Self-Ness. Being whole. Being in tuned with my own values and integrity.

I am for forgiveness of myself and others for their failures in thought and deed.

I am for a Life of Learning and seeking Truth.

I am for looking at the ways of others and using them as a mirror. I can not see myself as others see me, but I can still see them and find more of me. And then I can heal myself of error.

I am for...I Am and the right to be do and have in gentle harmony with the rest of the world and with mankind.

Ex Mea Manua In Tua Manua Dea Eterna.

Battling courtesy of Margaret Lynch

Combat or Battling as Margaret Lynch puts it, has always been my zone. I love a good fight. Just love it. Or I did. Let me tell you now how things are that brought up battling or going into combat.

The recent episode with the Sea Org, has been followed closely by the realization  that I can not get anyone in this house to help share the load of the rent.

The money line has dried up just as it did when Rob was alive. The person who came today was a Goddess send as she was totally aware of spiritual things and she was willing to be honest about the fact that she felt Rob in the house. And didn't want to come here.

So he is back from outer space and putting his usual death flow on my life and happiness again. So to arms? To battle. Whip out the sage start the warding in the Dark of the Moon ....again?

Hmmmm. Why do I hear Dr. Einstein defining insanity just now?

A little inner honesty:

I felt guilty about the way he died as a possible repercussion of my warding. I felt sad  about it. I didn't want him to die just to stop ill wishing me. Stop laying his negatives across my life.

Truth be told I can ill wish and how. I think the best I can say for myself is I am looking at that more and more and how I really don't want to bend the plasticity of the Universe in those directions out of anger or revenge. Or self hate and suicidal thoughts. Had a huge bout of that since Friday. Even more so today after recognizing what was going on with Rob counter intending the roommates to get back at me and drive me from the house.

Called Donna and she was there for me again.  I blew off the day to feel royally sorry for myself. Also to rest. I was going hiking but my poor body just was not rejoicing at the thought. It was fried.

So I watched Amazing Grace after I cancelled the Ladies Only, sent out the email about Eric and sent one more attempt into JPL to find a roomie.

That felt pretty OK for a while, then the sniveling started again. And I thought about it more. Then hit the blog.
True thoughts:
Some hurts are a grief everlasting and denying them is a lie. But choosing to stay in them is simply that... a choice.

So some gangrenous pus spilled out from the past and poisoned my world this week. I went into it and I have stayed there long enough. I choose to come back out.
Now.

That is what I work at now, choosing. That is for today and the future  and the best way to get to a better future is not to do the same old same old.

I paid for the retreat today, Mr.Trivedi's retreat in two weeks. I used the rent.
I am not going to miss the opportunity of a lifetime because of this house or anything else.

I don't care if I end up living in the truck and/or dead. There is nothing in this life that is mattering more then making a healing for myself as a spiritual entity.Paying for the retreat was the most serious announcement to the Universe of the real priorities that I choose.

More thoughts about ill wishing:

That Sea Org lady Sandy was so confident in my misery without her holiest of all groups, she even said she knew I was having a really bad time. I could feel her gloating quietly.

How much of that postulate for others to fail are any of them willing to be responsible for? Are they even aware that is what they are doing,...and gloating in it when it happens?

Rob was not willing to be responsible for his ill wishing. At all.  Did him a fat lot of good being like that.

There is a pattern here and now it is my time to really choose.

Mirror mirror on the wall,
Am I my enemy after all?

I can ill wish and I have. I own it. I have felt revenge and acted on it. I have gloated when time washed the bodies of my enemies past my feet as I sat by the river.

I have rejoiced in the failure of those I detested , those who I used to say had appointed me their executioner.  Yep I have. Been there, cursed that and the curses came home to roost. I did it to Rob during that warding and man did it come home to roost.

Another Key from behind the Curtain.

I wonder what it will be ...a life without ill wishing? No quilt, no harm done to self or others.  Just peace and a sore arm from holding the mirror of others to my face.

Not too bad that, actually. So now...

Who am I today and what grand and glorious adventures will I have?

How can it get any better then this?

What else is possible?

Where else is there money waiting to surprise me? How else can it show up?

Surprise me.!

Dr. Dain is right. The questions are far better then deciding the answers and battling to get to the outcome that you decided was the only good answer.

 Screw the Law of Attraction and just "focus on what you want"....I want to focus on the questions and getting back to playing again in the realm of infinite possibility. And hearing the inner guidance system as loud as the Schumann Resonance itself. Yeah. That works just fine for focus. Not to mention the little person in this picture.

It is amazing when you stop battling against how much you rediscover those things that you are really and truly for.  That is a Margaret Lynch-ism.

So I still love battling...but for a different reason. It makes one hell of a great mirror to show me what I'm for and what I love everytime it comes up. And I can choose that instead of combat. Definitely up for less sore knuckles in life.

Ex Mea Manua In Tua Manua Dea Eterna.

The Definition of Insanity

Been a bit fogged out over the weekend. Noticing things going downhill since Friday. No room mate no money no solution ,soon no where to live ..again. Roller coaster up and down. Fogged in with paranoia and very depressed with "why can't a truck just run me over I would rather be dead then live like this" thoughts. Bit bizarre actually, given the text of the last few entries.

Did some Access techniques and got myself locked out of my car. Did Tapping and felt like I had cleared a little space to breath but something was still wrong.

Then "They" were on the line again. They were the last thing I thought of making a  connection to in this grey mental fog and  spiritual yuckiness.

Them. It was their energy, their grey cloud of paranoia and death.

The Sea Org.

Actually calling me on my land line. A complete shock. Totally floored me.

Here I thought I had gotten rid of them once and for all by demanding refund...and worse yet...getting it.

I mean that makes me the Suppressive of the Century. Taking back money for services not rendered. Dirty dog bitch! Get thee gone and don't come back...or so I thought.

Thanks to the Internet they got my phone. And were on it calling me and lying as usual. IF they got my phone they had my address. The person who called was claiming to want to verify my address, an innocuous enough activity seemingly,  But with the Sea Org things are never what they seem.

The land line they called on is in my name less then a month. And they had the address. The woman who called made it sound like they  had the wrong street number. I didn't catch that at first I was so floored that they were even calling.
But I still refused to verify it for her.

I have moved since I refunded in 2007. So I  know for a fact I never gave them  any part of my new address as I moved here in April after I refunded in January 2007. So they dug it up with the phone and were lying about it.

It gets better. I told this woman Lisa I was had refunded  and she claimed to not know that. She asked why and we went around Robins barn on my not wanting to discuss it. Then "miraculously" there was an OT 5 who "just wanted"to talk to me, and was so instantly  on the phone line I accused them of having me on a three way call. I think I got lied to about that too, but it was of course denied.

Next one up was a person by the name of Sandy. Very good at what she does I will give her that. I did tell her my tale and the energy charge it pushed up was a surprise too. Thought I had done with it.

Nope.

But hey, it had to be the worst nightmare of my life. It only lasted some 30 years. Truth be told I have lost count of the keys that came from under the curtain in that time and I would be a liar to deny the benefit. And today and yesterday  I found some more, Goddess bless the little rascals. But there was still something there hurting after all these years.

After hearing me out this Sandy  started in with her story. But in the course of hearing me out she had made a critical error. She told me she had my folders to hand when she read a certain date out of them by way of confirming a part in my tale. And said so. She had my folders.

 No one, not even upper eschelon Church can get a folder that fast from out of the American Saint Hill.

She had had it all along. This was totally orchestrated between the two of them. And what little hope I had begun to feel from being well heard and seen( as she was listening and seeing very kindly and well indeed), sank into a pit full of ash and sorrow. They were back, still lying  and nothing had changed.

Except me.

In the end I told her my decision to refund was based on the fact that loyalty is not a one way street. I can't be loyal to any one or thing that consistently is not loyal to me and has thrown me under the bus more times then I care to think about.

She did a "yeah ..but" .

I am sure you have heard the "Yeah, but...as in "yeah that is a point of ....."(fill in the blank) and you are right,but....now I get to make MY point" and tear you down.

Yes, there is a point of integrity here she said and no one would deny it ....but....you made the wrong decision.

Her words exactly with some editing to spare myself the re entrance into her end of the conversation  and just to get to the point. I of course was wrong, no matter what they on their parts had done. I had made the wrong choice.
But here is how They, the Good Guys the Sea Org,were now going to begin to make it right again.

It was pretty much the same strategy I have seen the Sea Org use over and over.

Get the person to talk a bit, blow up the energy in their face of their upset acknowledge that they were right to be upset and then go on to talk about how it has all changed now and it is better and "here now we are going to( insert what ever the new thing they are doing is, this time) to make it right."

In this case they were sending around a disc of a big event from July of 2007 to folks like me who are gone for what ever reason and  straight from good Ole David Miscaviage himself ,no doubt.

So here we go again...the definition of insanity.

I could have done what I have always done in the past...fallen for it and accepted their offer to make nice.

Going on hoping for a different result from doing the same exact thing.

Not this time.  Thank you Dr Einstein..thank you Guruji Trivedi, thank you Margaret Lynch thank you Dr. Dain and Thank you Beloved Divine. Make that last one triple thanks... and more.

Gratia Dea Ad Eternam and Ad Infinitam.

I didn't get crazy or mad. I just said"No" firmly and calmly to their offer to  mail me this thing and thus indicate I was willing to start the round all over again. Engage again. Get back in the conversation again.

Nope.

The ice went onto the phone line in a blast straight out of the Arctic. The withdraw tactic Sandy pulled was creating such a vacuum I felt it tug me forward into the phone.

 I did get sad...it is sad to realize one has been being lied to again under an offer of help...that help is being betrayed again...and I still  held my ground and still said no. Don't send me anything. This feels like going backwards to me. I have moved on I said.

In the end we parted into our own worlds with civility. I spent some truly( and truly not surprisingly) Serious Quality Time on the phone with my oldest friend in the world, coming down off the shock into the outrage of the manipulations and deceit.

 May all in the world know the joy of the gift of true friendship of long duration.

And here I am this morning looking it over for more keys.

There was no chance happenstance in this encounter. I had just had a Trivedi Energy Transmission and I was in the midst of some serious angst on my life going into it. I had been working energy healing as well out of EFT and Access just before the grey cloud descended and things began to go wrong...badly.

The flavor of that angst, just  before Guruji's transmission turned out to be identical to the flavor of the angst during the "Bruce Dodds- get -the -woman -that- I -beat -made -out -to -be- the-bad -guy- and -hounded-out-of -the-tribe "debacle that began my exit from the world of Scientology. Nice little key that one seeing the emotional pattern there.

Truth be told,the keys came shaking down from the Church curtain so heavily,it was like fallout from a nuclear cloud.

Being treated so demeaningly by Sea Org staff...and what do I fight in my life to this day? Demeaning cold rude people.

Being poor with no way to hang onto my home...well well here I am again. Funny how that happens.

Preaching to the world the importance of ME...in constant combat with the coldness, the heartless uncaring and total denigration that was the overall response to me trying to stay a part of that tribe from those who were supposed to, by reason of job and duty, to "help" me.

There were some individual exceptions in terms of decency and humanity through out the time,  but in the end these decent few were defeated and in fact their kindness only prolonged the time I spent trying to be accepted again and getting more and more wounds. Nice key in that, too. Truly nice people blindly trying to keep you in an ugly situation out of their own desire to help.

Here's a great key. I now  refuse to be a part of any tribe again...even when offered one on a silver platter from a truly decent person named Justin not two months ago. And he was not the first to offer a new tribe and get rejected.

Nope...no more tribes for me....tribes are made of two faced cannibals that feed off your flesh spiritually speaking and leave you walking around a barely strung together skeleton oozing grief and a desire to die just to end the pain that is now your existence.
Nice key that one. To be human is to be in interaction with others...to be part of a tribe...of friends of family. So I in response to these cannibals,have been staying tribe less...a lone wolf as it were.

Here's a goodie of a key and EFT didn't get  all of it.

Hatred of money and people who have it... that started with my parents and got tapped really thoroughly under Margaret Lynch...but it still is there and I knew it. I have kept working at it but it didn't go.

Well that hate got solidly re enforced at a later date the Margaret works by the church staff who had no time for me...only time for "Important cycles ...people with 14 intensives of auditing paid for" thousands of dollars of services= money= important= "you are poor so you are not important...go drop dead of your asbestos poisoning we don't care, there is no money in it for us, so what if you got this crap in your lungs in church service at Ground Zero... we have too many important people to take care of...call and make an appointment".

And if I called I was told to leave a message and no matter how many I left no one returned the call until I simply gave up and got my money back.

I was the outcast never to be admitted again. Period. Outcast from a tribe that turned into spiritual cannibals, eating all the energy I had strength to give until there was none. And death to this day looked like a relief.

This was the attitude the actions and words, that had me  stating I would rather be dead then be rich to myself over and over again. Talking to myself  for years, as there was no one to hear me, but one or two truly good friends. And only one had the full story or gave enough of a damn to hear it.
This was the emotional trauma that left me feeling shattered and unwhole and unclean.  Defiled and discarded as worthless.

Funny but, I as I said, I was working on being in of the Now using the techniques of Access Consciousness when things started going from bad to worse and the grey cloud moved in. Just before Guruji's energy transmission on Sunday I was hysterical with grief because I had no money to go to his retreat this month.

Then I decided I would not be shut out because of money again. Over and over I said this to myself and out loud...I will not be shut out again because of money.

And low and behold, Monday afternoon, the Sea Org, the tribe that has value for you in direct proportion to the size of your bank account is on the phone claiming to be looking to verify my address. The ones who shut me out and made it clear it was due to lack of money amongst every other thing that they had judged me valueless  and downright evil for.

Dear Goddess my life has been dictated to this day by this old combat.

Key of magnitude  in that. "To this day,
but no further."

 Job 38:11
" Hither thou shalt also come...but no further"

It was, and is and every shall be my choice. My life, my keys to find.

 I said "No"

Really, someone in all this had to take responsibility for ending the Insanity. Too bad for them it was me.

Ex Mea Manua In Tua Manua Dea Eterna.