Not exactly living in the now but who gives an aerial fornication? It's my energy dammit.
So the old wounds from being not only a battered woman but having my entire life's tribe turn against me are jumping up to view. They got tapped out like every other pile of blocking gnarly crap. Big blocks on money my self employment and oddly enough men. Well, surprise, surprise.
I don't listen to men and I don't receive from them. I really think few women my age do. But I know I don't. And that added to the stress until life exploded and now I see it. I din't hear Bruce. At times I didn't even see him. Poor guy. I hope he is doing a better job of it in his next life in terms of women.
We daughters of Rosie the Riveter were taught in the world of baby boomer men just how much we had to fight. Not a lot of news, that. It was part of the scarcity mentality of the Depression and the fear of WWII and the Cold War. We got the first two from our parents and the latter for ourselves when we were still young enough to be vulnerable.
I can still feel the tension in our house and everywhere else that came from the days when Kennedy and Kruschev were going toe to toe over Cuba.The world was a terrifying place where at the drop of a bomb all life would cease. And there was not one thing a little kid could do about it.
Is it any wonder we rebelled and tore the Establishment apart? Dropped acid and dropped out in apathy?
Those who rebelled knew... We were fighting for our lives and oh how we knew it.
Then on beyond Vietman and into the world of the workplace and men grabbing tits and coping pussy feels on the job. Firing you if you didn't put out for the boss. It was all so accepted, just like the pay check that wasn't worth crap compared to a man's in the same position. So we fought again with some success.
But so it still goes as far as the pay check is concerned and maybe still some of the rest of it where women come from a background that doesn't hold their rights to be of any value when some guy has a testosterone wave pounding him. I don't know about that, as I work alone.
There is predation on both sides now that I know. It seems so strange yet totally real that prowling on the job exists but it is what it is. It is a bit more cautious. The lawsuits put caution in place for both genders, at least...well, mostly.
Fighting fighting fighting. Never listen except to hear the pause where one can jump in with one's next argument. Negating the other person in totality ad infintum ad nauseam just for the sake of "I'm right".
But never really listening. And it is still all fear and scarcity based. He'll get the promotion...she'll get my job...I am not a man if I don't make more then her...I am not a liberated woman if I let a man take care of me...
I am Iam Ia I I I ...
I'm done with it.
Gratia Dea Eterna, for a golden glorious morning.
Who am I today and what wild and wonderful adventures will I have?
How does it get any better then this?
What else is possible?
How else can the money show up?
What about me in all of this is right that I am missing?
And best of all...
Who out there can I find to help today, along with me?
Ex Mea Manua In Tua Manua Dea Eterna.
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