Little disasters get tapped away and the bigger ones show through.

Car went dead today. Had the guy jump it and it sorta held. Got it down the hill and parked it. It turned over again but do I feel like driving it?

mmmmmmm....nope.

This whole scene gave me a glance at some old energy that got kicked in from battling Christine.
Yuck. Old Jerry The Creep and His FUBAR Church of Scientlology energy.
Almost gave in to it then tapped it.The old wounds opening up to drain out some more soul gangrene.

More Trivedi energy crises it would seem. The old gnarled up crappy stuff right down to the despair to the point of suicidal energy.

Funny how that doesn't hurt so much to admit. Having guys like Dain and Gary Douglas and others broadcasting it ...been there too, say they, and no shame and no blame and no regret.

Goddess that is so sweetly honest. In a world full of liars they don't hold back the ugliest truth and some how that makes it OK. WOW. And then it isn't so ugly...it just is.

I never really voiced that out...the suicidal thoughts and despair. I've been keeping it all these years out of shame. Gave up on trying to talk about it: no one wants to hear it.

There was a ton of soul gangrene in that time and place.

So yeah. I have suicidal thoughts and tendencies,....you gotta problem with it? Go fuck off!

I look at this planet full of creeps and I sometimes I don't want to hang around. Why the fuck should anyone with an ounce of sanity or self respect want to live in this Totally Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition world full of liars and cheats and creeps? People who lie in every action they take and then say sorry and go on lying. People who think I'm Sorry takes care of it all and then that is all that has to be done.

Sometimes there is a need for amends.

And if you don't make those amends the world will hand them to you. That one I know for sure and for surer.

This whole thing with Jerry and the Jerkoffs from Scientology. It keeps coming back. Then it lightens each time I tap it but it is an ocean of tears and grief ever lasting. It comes back.

So today I tried tapping "I don't believe it" all points. Whoo boy did that help, because I don't believe it. I don't believe that decent people people who are basically good could behave like that. Just like I don't believe it about Christine or Rob or anyone else.

Even me. I don't believe that I could sink that far down. I don't believe it is happening again...but it is.

Looks like this is the tip of a bigger iceberg of tapping.

Ex Mea Manua In Tua Manua Dea Eterna